The Day the Conversation Died

BY BOB HOFFMAN

I’m sorry to be the one who brings you the bad news, but I’m afraid I have to. 

Social media — the thing that killed everything else — is now itself officially dead.

That’s right, I just read a piece entitled ‘Social Media Marketing is Dead’ by someone who modestly calls himself “The Millennial Marketing Guy.”

Apparently, social media died peacefully at home, after a long battle with nitwits.

It is survived by its twin brother, Content. 

That’s right, content is the new marketing mass murderer.

As regular readers know, we here at The Ad Contrarian have spent a good deal of time on the marketing death watch, helping you understand how social media killed everything that came before it: advertising, broadcasting, marketing, copywriting, television, Frosted Flakes, and more.

And just when we thought the period of grieving is now over, it is with a heavy heart that we have to report that Content killed the thing that killed everything else.

Speaking of killing, if you are committed to non-violence I strongly suggest that you don’t read that article.

It is likely to have the same effect on you that it had on me.

I am currently restrained and in the back of a patrol car.

I’ll give you just a little taste of the wisdom from this enlightening lump of literature. Here we go…

“What drives social media activation for Millennials; however, is content excellence.”

What drives people to put semi-colons in the middle of sentences; however, is illiteracy.

“We are currently living in a ‘Millennial-inspired Participation Economy’”

Not me. I’m living in a Vodka-inspired stupor.

“Which is most powerful: a like, share, retweet, favourite?”

Gosh, they’re all so powerful, it’s like asking who’s stronger: Invincible Iron Man, The Incredible Hulk, or Barney the Dinosaur.

Let’s get real — they ALL have super powers!

“Think of content as an opportunity for your brand voice living everwhere you are not.”

Cool.

I’m thinking of my brand voice living in Vegas, at one of those townhouses where all the super-hot ‘hostesses’ live. 

Either there or in Tyler’s mom’s basement where the “Millennial-inspired Participation Economy” is headquartered.

“Uniqueness will be a proxy for brand pricing authority and meaningfulness will be a proxy for sales volume potential.”

And typing will be a proxy for writing and insufferable bullshit will be a proxy for thinking.

Bob Hoffman has been called “The most provocative man in advertising”. In his book, Laughing@Advertising, he is out to disrupt the disruptors – those sombre, imperious souls who’ve made marketing and advertising such an earnest and humourless endeavour. It is on sale now at Amazon and only available in paperback. There’s no ebook, he says, because pixels aren’t funny.