12 November 2008
By S Jayasankaran
(Malay Mail - November 12, 2008, http://www.mmail.com.my)

George Bush will soon go and never darken the White House’s towels again.

One had to admire America’s capacity for reinventing itself. The country that only forty years ago had given blacks the vote had now put a dark horse called Barack Obama in the White House and nobody seemed to worry about its towels.
By S Jayasankaran
(Malay Mail - November 12, 2008, http://www.mmail.com.my)

George Bush will soon go and never darken the White House’s towels again.

One had to admire America’s capacity for reinventing itself. The country that only forty years ago had given blacks the vote had now put a dark horse called Barack Obama in the White House and nobody seemed to worry about its towels.

George Bush felt that Mr Obama had won by a fluke and was disgruntled that the American people were gross ignoramuses which he knew to be a terrible thing because they were 144 times worse than the average ignoramus. And he suspected that conservatives had secretly voted for Mr Obama because they were used to having a black man clean up messes made by white men.

The United States could take pride in the fact that the so-called Bradley Effect hadn’t happened. The phenomenon was last seen in 1982 when Tom Bradley, an African-American, lost a gubernatorial race in California despite leading in all opinion polls up to the race. Now it hadn’t manifested itself but there generally seemed to have been a Bush Effect, even a Palin Side Effect, because both had delusions of adequacy.

John McCain put it all behind him with a classy concession speech that will be plumbed by future historians for evidence to illuminate the generosity of the human spirit. But Joe the Plumber didn’t care as he was too busy writing his memoirs The Muck Stops Here.

Sarah Palin regretfully returned the expensive clothes bought her by the Republican Party and went back to astute foreign policy observation through watching Russia from her bedroom and the moon from her porch.

She knew that constant vigilance was needed to keep aliens away from Alaska which was why she was justifiably proud that Alaska didn’t have any blacks or Mexicans. But it was tiring work as she was also busy writing her memoirs I Can See Clearly Now, the Brain Has Gone

“Sacre Bleu,” hissed the French who didn’t like Ms Palin because she’d talked to a Canadian comedian over the phone thinking he was French President Nicolas Sarkozy. Actually he sounded more like Inspector Clouseau but Ms Palin didn’t know that because she was a patriot who’d always ruled out watching French films like The Pink Panther

The French were a civilised society who knew that the secret of life was butter while most Americans seemed to think it had something to do with corned beef. So they had high hopes for President-elect Obama who appeared to have a handle on the finer points of haute-cuisine and never used a big word when a diminutive one would suffice.

In reality, Mr Obama wasn’t fussed about food. Like most Americans he knew the basics like the difference between roast beef and pea soup because anyone could roast beef. But he respected the French because they’d got hindsight down to an exact science.

The French swelled with pride at the compliment and assured Mr Obama of their full co-operation, confiding to him that they’d never liked Mr Bush because they had always suspected he had Alzheimer’s. That, of course, was not true because Mr Alzheimer himself had testified that, as far as he knew, it was his disease.

In fact, everyone knew that Mr Bush was as fit as a fiddle because he could do the work of three men – Larry, Curly and Moe. But even Mr Obama conceded that Mr Bush was one of the rare breed, that mythical American creature, the honest politician.

In the end the United States could take a bow and the rest of the world had to eat humble pie about “racist” America. As for Sarah Palin’s chances in 2012….

…she had as much of a chance to be believed as the chap who claimed he saw Elvis sitting between Bigfoot and himself on the UFO.
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